Ricky’s Final Thoughts

I write this at 30,000 feet over the Caribbean ‘enjoying’ the unique hospitality of Thomsonfly. At least they honoured our booking for extra legroom this time, though they don’t believe Apple when they say “Airplane Mode” so I just got told to turn my iPhone off. Thick stewardesses know best.

Though amusingly they just asked for support for their travel charity promoting sustainable tourism. On a transatlantic Boeing 767. From Cancun.

We’ve had a fantastic trip, but it’s been quite strange in parts. Firstly, we haven’t held a conversation with anyone else. Not because we didn’t want to, but simply because there was no-one to talk to. It seems there were no other people on holiday in either Mexico or Guatemala.

Our hotel in Cancun was virtually empty. We wandered it’s echoing corridors in search of the restaurants. When we found them, they were deserted. There were two other tables occupied at breakfast and the beach was empty too. The poolside was comparatively rammed: maybe four or five groups of people.

Some of our Guatemalan hotels claimed to be full, but we didn’t see the evidence. In others it was clear only a couple of rooms were taken.

Evenings were very quiet. Most of the time we’d had fairly packed days and early starts, so were happy to have dinner and go to bed. Besides which, most Guatemalan restaurants close at 9pm. However, some nights we were looking for a bit of life and a couple of drinks somewhere. It became a running joke that every bar and restaurant would be empty. In Panajachel, we walked to 5 or 6 bars. All were deserted, except one which had two elderly gentlemen sipping drinks at the bar (separately).

The only people we came across were Dutch travellers and American and French guided tour groups. Bizarre.

Food has been a mixed bag, with some bad, some good and some just dull. We’ve eaten a lot of grilled meat and vegetables. Mexican food is much better at home while Guatemalan food is fairly dull. Both, however, came heavily salted.

Guatemala does have some fantastic cakes. A little shop in Panajachel did delicious chocolate cream cake and a superb national specialty called 3 Leches (3 milk). In Antigua we visited a little cake shop where I had a banana-choco cake to die for. Antiguan hot chocolate is extremely good too.

We had a particularly entertaining night out in Antigua. Having decided to splash out for a little more than the standard places we’d been using most nights, we chose a restaurant in a beautiful colonial building which had been recommended in the guide book. Inside the door, we were led through a gorgeous candle-lit courtyard, complete with well-tended greenery and a babbling fountain, into a stunning period dining room with carved ceiling, titled floor and lots of dark wood. For once, it was busy. Two tour groups took up long tables on two sides and a few single tables were dotted about. We had high hopes.

No sooner were we seated when the ‘entertainment’ began. About 10 men began to play a huge xylophone type thing, with another chap on double bass. To be fair, they were very good. Some of them held two or three sticks in each hand, playing multiple parts each, and the traditional song was nice. Then the dancing started: 8 waiters in full Mayan ceremonial dress, with wooden masks of a bull, a conquistador, a jaguar and others. They danced with maraccas quite energetically (and again not really without talent) before grabbing people from tables to join them. It was like the dying hours of someone’s 40th wedding anniversary disco. Rhythmically-challenged Americans threw themselves into it with relish. And the same song kept going for about 15 minutes. The food was relatively good dull grilled meat, though.

In Guatemala City, we tried going for a nice meal in Zone 10. The Lonely Planet recommended a Spanish tapas place. Except when we got in and sat down we realised it wasn’t tapas at all but dull grilled meats for twice the price of dull grilled meats elsewhere. Brilliant.

The Lonely Planet was crap. Clearly written by a bit of a tit, parts were very cursory, other parts plain wrong. He dislikes Guat City, so despite it being the capital and having the huge Zone 10 commercial quarter it mentions only three top-end places to eat (see above). And thanks to them listing the airport departure tax as $30 and not the $3 it really is, we have over £50 in Quetzals we can’t change back. Thanks Lonely Planet.

The least said about Cancun, the better. If you like bland hotels and cheesy bars with drinking games, with no clue which country you might be in, you’d love it. The population of the airport (and by extension our flights) were amusingly low rent. If I had an airline, I’d advertise Cancun but circle France for a bit before landing in Benidorm, just to see if anyone noticed.

The range of cheap tattoos and sunburn in the departure gate gave us a hour of laughs. We even saw a pale pink young couple standing in the lounge, gently peeling sunburt skin from each other. Now THAT is love.